Choose wisely momma
Hey momma,
Your delivery date is getting close! Presumably, you took a good amount of time to choose your OB or midwife. There will likely be multiple nurses and or doulas attending you as you birth. Most expectant mothers have their partner by their side and often times other family members. This group of people-your OBGYN, partner, nurses, doula, and friends or family-are your birth support team. Pregnant women agonize over the decision of who will be supporting them at the time of their birth. And rightfully so! We spare no expense to have a healthy mother and newborn. Well, we do until they leave the hospital.
Once home in the US, a mother's partner more than likely will return to work within a matter of days. Family members, if they live close by, may visit occasionally but they have work and life to get back to as well. Mom will leave the hospital and not see her Dr and nurses for a whopping six weeks! During this postpartum season a huge amount of healing, change and growth are occurring in a new mother's life. This period is as crucial as birth itself and merits the same amount of support and attention as labor. Many couples are now opting for showers where gifts of service are given as opposed to onesies and blankets. Contributions of meals, house cleaning services, and other professional assistance for new families are encouraged. If it is financially possible hiring professional help can be highly beneficial. During your fourth trimester, whether you hire a support person or you rely on a family member or friend for care, here are some guidelines you should consider.
1. Do you and your partner feel comfortable with this person? Not just do you like them but are you comfortable enough with them to tell them NO. I have had clients who hired me for a second baby due to the fact that their mother helped with the first. And while grandma was lovely and caring she could not keep her idea that the baby needed a bottle to herself. The sweet new mom in this scenario had a hard time trying to heal and rest and fight her mother on this issue. This leads me to my second suggestion.
2. Does your support person share and/or respect your parenting choices? When you are at your most vulnerable during recovery and bonding is not the time to be fighting someone on the fact that you do not want your baby to have a pacifier. I highly encourage you to write out what you do and don’t want for you and your baby in advance. If you are hiring someone you may even include these items in the contract to be signed by both parties.
3. Is this person someone who will initiate doing tasks on their own? If your support person just wants to “hold and snuggle the baby” they are NOT your support person. Your support person should be cooking for you, cleaning for you, and making sure the house is running correctly so you can rest and focus on you and the baby.
4. Is this person trustworthy? This guideline is really important and easily overlooked. You don’t need Aunt Deborah telling your cousins that breastfeeding is not going well for you. You need someone supporting you that you feel you can trust to listen to you and keep your information private.
5. Is your support person trained using evidence-based research in postpartum recovery and newborn care? Okay, so this one is a loosely veiled plug for hiring a postpartum doula. But it is very true. It is said you can tell where a person’s treasure lies by where they invest their time and money. Investing in your recovery as a new mother is investing in yourself and your family. Ask a seasoned mother if she spent too much money on newborn clothes and you will likely hear a resounding YES! But I promise you no one ever says I wish I had spent less on my fourth-trimester support.
xoxo,
Meghan
PS sign up for my mailing list to receive your free postpartum support planner. I promise you won’t regret it!